When we were little, we had this fairy tale ending idea of how things will be. But as the years go by, there would be times when you will have to settle for less, change your standards or stop and reevaluate the things around you.

They say we have no memory of pain, we can remember the thing that inflicted pain but never the feeling itself. But what does it mean if you can still feel all of it one day?

In the midst of the night I saw flashes of what had happened, of what you made me feel, all the pain I never thought possible. Pain wasn't the worst part of it, but the anger that I can't contain. Anger of the people who had hurt me and anger to myself for not being strong enough. 

It's been years, and everyone had buried all the pain and anger but here I am thinking and still feeling. I have forgiven it, I have forgiven him but it didn't made any difference. It still happened and maybe after all, you know in your heart that you will never forget. And if its that's the case, then maybe you haven't really forgiven anyone at all.

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Him: We've got to stop this. This addiction, this confusion. Do you know how to stop this?

Her: Do you know how?

Him: No.

Her: You suggested that we stop this, so didn't you ever think how?

Him: No

Her: Maybe you never wanted to stop.

I'm still here. But oftentimes I ask myself why I'm here, why I've let myself stay for too long and made the pain stronger and tolerable.

"I'd like to scrub off your smell on my skin because every time I breathe I seek and long for you."