close your eyes and make a wish

She stared at the Sky above her and instantly she knew it was wrong, but when she stared beside where he lay, she wasn't so sure after all.

She looked at him as if they were the only people in the world, he closed his eyes as if in a dream. She looked up the Sky and closed her eyes.

She wished to be with him forever or maybe just a little bit longer. She felt like there was an expiration for what they have, for whatever it is they have.

He closed his eyes and wished for serenity or even for clarity. He knew he had to face the fact that someday he needs to get his act together.

They both opened their eyes...

She was in front of her computer finishing her financial proposals, it's half past five and she was snoozing off at work.

He was at home on his bed, he was sleeping the whole day. He wasn't sure what time he got home from the party he went to the night before.

Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson

“When my husband had an affair with someone else I watched his eyes glaze over when we ate dinner together and I heard him singing to himself without me, and when he tended the garden it was not for me.

He was courteous and polite; he enjoyed being at home, but in the fantasy of his home I was not the one who sat opposite him and laughed at his jokes. He didn't want to change anything; he liked his life. The only thing he wanted to change was me.

It would have been better if he had hated me, or if he had abused me, or if he had packed his new suitcases and left.

As it was he continued to put his arm round me and talk about being a new wall to replace the rotten fence that divided our garden from his vegetable patch. I knew he would never leave our house. He had worked for it.

Day by day I felt myself disappearing. For my husband I was no longer a reality, I was one of the things around him. I was the fence which needed to be replaced. I watched myself in the mirror and saw that I was mo longer vivid and exciting. I was worn and gray like an old sweater you can't throw out but won't put on.

He admitted he was in love with her, but he said he loved me.

Translated, that means, I want everything. Translated, that means, I don't want to hurt you yet. Translated, that means, I don't know what to do, give me time.

Why, why should I give you time? What time are you giving me? I am in a cell waiting to be called for execution.

I loved him and I was in love with him. I didn't use language to make a war-zone of my heart.

'You're so simple and good,' he said, brushing the hair from my face.

He meant, Your emotions are not complex like mine. My dilemma is poetic.

But there was no dilemma. He no longer wanted me, but he wanted our life

Eventually, when he had been away with her for a few days and returned restless and conciliatory, I decided not to wait in my cell any longer. I went to where he was sleeping in another room and I asked him to leave. Very patiently he asked me to remember that the house was his home, that he couldn't be expected to make himself homeless because he was in love.

'Medea did,' I said, 'and Romeo and Juliet and Cressida, and Ruth in the Bible.'

He asked me to shut up. He wasn't a hero.

'Then why should I be a heroine?'

He didn't answer, he plucked at the blanket.

I considered my choices.

I could stay and be unhappy and humiliated.

I could leave and be unhappy and dignified.

I could Beg him to touch me again.

I could live in hope and die of bitterness.

I took some things and left. It wasn't easy, it was my home too.

I hear he's replaced the back fence.”

― Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry

lavish

KRIS BERNAL

Photo by Arojo Santos
Styling by Sky Gavin
Hair and Make-up by Allyson Azarraga
Shot at Bright Eyes Studio

Shot for Tweak Magazine

when morning comes

As the night goes deeper, he pulled me closer. His hands clasped mine, his lips touched my shoulder. His kiss crept up my neck to my lips. He pulled me in and touched my face then whispered how beautiful I was. The night sky turned darker as sparkles of stars came through. We lay there face to face, his smile was genuine and perfect, his laugh is like music to my ears and harmony to my heart. He asked me how we ended up there in that moment, when a few years ago we we're just strangers on different ends of the world. I never thought of it, we we're just there hand in hand like the world didn't matter, like the world didn't know. We we're a secret, he was my best kept secret, my darkest one.

He held me closer, my head against his chest his hands around my shoulders. I can hear his heart beat and I wished every beat calls out my name. I closed my eyes and felt him kiss me on the forehead. He held my hand and wished it can only hold mine.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to the morning light. I sat beside the window with my back against the wall. He is like a dream that goes away when you wake up, like how the moon looms over another when daylight comes.

I love the way you hold my hand, And if I can, I would love to hold them forever.
I love the way you smile, And if I can, I would love to be the reason of that smile everyday.
I love the way you pull me closer, And if I can, I would love to be close to you always.

Maybe it's wrong to feel like this, to feel like I want you and always wanna be with you, But no matter what the gamble is, I'm all in.

I don't know how to tell you, when to tell you or even find the right words to say. But I wish I can be the one who will always make you smile, the one who will always be by your side, to be the one who will never leave you astray. I will always be beside you, will hold your hand and will make you feel better. When people try to bring you down I will hold you up, when they try to break you I will cover you.

I love watching you fall asleep and be the one who first sees you. I'd love to keep those tears from falling, I'd love to take all your sadness.

I know I cannot love you enough or that much, but I can always try to make you feel love like you never imagined. 

But why am I saying this? Maybe because I am a trooper, or maybe just a wild sky dreamer.