three open letters

There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer, one a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, .like before. Cause you hurt me so bad and I was afraid to be vulnerable again. I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now, after what I did, but I just thought that you should know. This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it.     -Brook Davis, One Tree Hill

--


To Mr. Empire State of Mind

"We've got to stop this", that's the first thing that came into my mind. For the past couple of months, you're nowhere to be found, I've been tossing, turning and looking everywhere for you. I've been looking for you, though I know where you are, where I can find you. I just can't admit it, that you left without saying anything. So how will I say goodbye to someone you never had? How would I tell myself that it's over, though it haven't started yet. You left before and when you came back, it's as if nothing happened. As if you didn't hurt anyone. You've got to stop coming and going, you've got to stop hurting me. Now I ask myself, now that you're coming back, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to come back to you? I don't know. My face is on my palm, almost crying but instead I let out a sigh, thinking that one day I'll get through this. One day I'll have you or one day I will lose you. It's one way or the other. Whatever happens, it is because we both wanted it. We agreed to where this is going. All I want is for you to be happy, because no matter how hurt I am, I will always hope for the better. The better for you and me. Because, I Love you.

With much Love, yours always.

--

To Mr. Hot Shot

I remember how I saw you for the first time, from a distance through all the people. I remember how you smile and how you shook your head. I remember you. The person everyone loves. I don't know how we both fell in this situation, how we both became trapped on where we are. Now I sit here beside you, hand in hand but I can't figure out why my hands is in yours and why your lips are in mine. I want to hold back or fight the urge of kissing you, but I cant. Every time people scream out your name, I wanted you to scream back mine. Every time they come running after you, I wanted you to come hide with me. I can't keep doing this, being with you. Because I will never be good enough, I will never be that someone who will always be there. I am just a friend.

Your friend, Ms.Confused.

--

To Mr. Know-it-all

I know how stubborn you are, like you know what I am thinking of or what I am going through. You have no idea how everyday I have to wake-up and drag myself to work. Or how I have to sleep through all the pain life had caused me. You and I, we always clicked, we always give way to one another, to give each other a chance, a chance to be happy. It should be perfect, it should be like a fairytale. I don't know if its all the mistakes we've done, or the chances we gave but I grew tired. Tired of trying and forgiving. I grew tired of what we have and what I have to wake up to everyday. I look at us and I this is not the life that I wanted for myself. I want a better life for myself, not to drag me into a black hole. I don't know how to say this anymore because I've said this millions of times before, and yet, we're still here.

your used to be.

--

 

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

And it takes me all the way, I want you to stay

We stood there, watching

 "It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less."

― Greg Behrendt

I remember posting this quote from an entry not so long ago, it became some sort of mantra. Maybe it's something I believed in, maybe it's one of the reasons why I never settled for a job that didn't make me happy or payed good, or settle for just one bottle of beer, or just one day at the beach. Coz maybe I always believed in getting everything, in getting the best and not settling... for much much less. 

We've loved and lost too many to decipher which feeling belongs to what word.

A few years back, I met someone who changed the things I wanted in my life. Made me believe that I can always settle for much less than what I deserve. I know, it sounds pathetic. But you know what, it sorta made me think things through. That you can't always get what you want, when you want it. Time will decide when and where will be the right time.

A year later, I found myself sitting at a yogurt store. There I was, seated with my knees near my chest, a book in my hand, earphones with the smiths playing. He planted a kiss on my right and left cheek, he took me by surprise. He held my hand and said sorry he was late. I didn't mind, because in my head I know there will be no greater happiness than having him beside me, finally.

He's never someone I imagined I'll be with. He has his issues; issues of commitment, time, feelings and things I don't even understand. For years I can count the times he said what he felt. He was never good with words or actions but his silence made me want and love more though I know I an settling for much, much less.

We went home, to a home we shared, a home we built, a home we can call ours. I sat beside him and turned the television on and put it on his favorite channel that only shows basketball. I sat there beside him, his hand around my waist, my head against his chest. I can hear it beating slowly, I can feel every breath he takes. It's music to my ears and it's comforting as I close my eyes. 

Everything happened very fast, one day we we're falling in love and the next moment we we're falling apart.

The most painful part is not knowing it will come, or not being able to fight for it. We both lost our ways, we've let things come between us. We saw how everything came crashing, how the tragedy unfold. We stood there, watching.

I sat at the same yogurt store, with a book in my hand and with earphones playing the smiths. I slightly closed my eyes, wishing that he'll come and kiss me on my cheek and hold my hand.


But he never came.

Coming home

Going back to our home away from home

Tali Beach, Batangas ♥

The way to Tali

Terrace/Balcony

There are two rooms, The room upstairs can accommodate maximum of 8 while the one downstairs can accommodate up to 12 people

The place is renovated since we last visited, it now has glass walls and new furniture.

The place is filled with makeshift decors

We arrived at Tali at 8 or 9pm so right after dinner we had a few drinks

I'm usually in charge of drinks so I mixed a cocktail for everyone. We called it "Tali beach".

We didn't drink too much because we wanted to enjoy the sun early the next day.

Breakfast

Pinoy breakfast; danggit, pusit, tocino, eggs, tomatoes.:)

first on the itinerary: Main beach

Second: Cliff

 

3rd: Palm Beach

We stayed here the rest of the afternoon because there's a mini kubo and there's no one on this stretch except for us.

 Photos from Nicole Villaluz and Avhiee Ceballos