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She's a queen

She's a beauty queen

November note: souls and sentiments

On that very moment I stopped torturing myself, I've let go and let the waves bring me.

I was one with the sea, I was riding the waves and looking at the rocks under on the ocean floor. It was the most beautiful thing in the world; the colors, the fishes, the corals and the way every wave pushes and pull me back. I placed my feet on the rocks on the ocean floor and loved how the sun hits my face, making me as if blinded by the light. It was a few minutes of an empty mind, I needed more of that. I needed more time to empty my mind and just live.

On the van, I started crying like a baby. It wasn't because I was leaving paradise but because I cant help but think I am going back to a place where all these sentiments is coming from. I wanted to leave that place but everytime I do, I have to face the fact that no matter what happen, I would need to go back.

Birthdays gets me down, it makes me think of how pathetic and sad my life is. A home that was wrecked and smothered by pain. An existence that is as painful as a stab on your heart. I am living this life, a life that could not be changed by a choice nor anything else.

I have no choice, mom figured out a plan on how to get away from us. Instantly when she left, I became the woman of the house. Wash clothes, cooks and prepares food, pickup and drop off my brother, work to help on home finances and to give allowance to my brother and my mom. I don't know if it's every kid my age to be handed this resposibility or is it just too much for me to handle. I had no choice. It's as if a day isn't enough to finish everything.

Every night I have to pretend to my dad that I was okay, alright about everything that had happend to our family. Pretended that I still have hope for all of us to be happy and together again. But I had gave up, quite a long time ago.

Sometimes I ask myself, why this happend to us. We're we that bad of a family? Or we saw this coming and ignored it? Why this pain should be felt by dad and rylle? Why we deserved this? My every nights sentiment is that I hope dad won't lose it. He went through to much, he did everything for us to be happy and I can't see even a slightest reason why this should happen to him, of all people, why him. Now we are the only two at home and we barely see or talk to each other. It's an empty home.

Mom is a bitch, and I am not saying that because I hate her but because she turned into a monster. My monster mom thinks she can just go away one day with my baby brother and never come back. One day when I went home, my brothers things we're not there anymore and moms things we're taken away. I didn't know how this happend. When I finally saw her again, i told her that I would love to punch her in the face, I could have done that, but she's my mom. Somehow I tried to understand, but there's just nothing to make me believe that this is the best for everyone. I've had enough of her and her antics.

Today I've got a really bad headache, no sleep and too much stuff going through my head. I am really tired of this roller coaster called life, I hope I won't lose it and jump off.

Nike Huarache

here's another shoe post, i never really understand basketball shoes. All of my friends play basketball and I always say my opinion on what shoes to get, all because I look at shoes in a way that they can be fashoowwnn while playing. Hahahaha. gayboys. What I mean is that I always look at form over function and I never really understand the difference one shoe to the other.

Nike Huarache is from the 90's Nike shoes which was reinvented with modernized free outsoles hybridizing iconic colorways and silhouettes.

This shoes look pretty neat for shoes and it will be out on November.:)

and if you don't like candy colors, then you can opt for a darker version

Nike Air TR 1.3 Max Breathe Manny Pacquiao

It's been a while since I posted something, I've been caught up with work but I will try my best to post some read worthy articles/writings.

Here ye, here ye, Our ever loving pambansang kamao is certainly conquering the world. Manny Pacquiao is now collaborating with Nike for a special design/limited edition shoes. Nike released the Nike Air TR 1.3 Max Breathe Manny Pacquiao, just in time for Manny's 3rd fight with Juan Manuel Marquez.

Lets start with the shoes' inner sole, look at em closely.

balancing act

pain pain go away
I wake up every morning, finding myself alone. I go downstairs with no one in sight, no one to say goodmorning to. The only living thing at home is me and my dog. Mom left, and she took my brother with her. It's painful, to me and my brother. He's two, he can't be in this much pain. I will do anything to make you feel our love, I will do anything for you not to be deprived of a family. You got a mom, dad and a sister, which under some circumstances, is a very difficult situation. One day, everything will be alright, every bit of pain will go away. I got you sweetie pie.

i can hold my own hand
We rode on that bus for more than an hour, It seemed like forever. He seemed like a stranger, I looked at him but he looked away. Thats when I realized I am the only one who can look after myself. From that time on, I started to hold my own hand. I joined my hands together into a tight clasp. Its the only hands I can hold forever.

Happy Birthday from a happy heart!:)

Coz it's your birthday I am allowed to make you feel giddy. It's actually 11 so its not just your birthday, it's also our monthsary which i'm starting to fail counting coz there are too many numbers and you know i'm bad at math.

For the past few years, i tried to gather my thought on why i love you. Often I find myself asking over and over again coz I can't still find an answer. I just love you. But after all the hell 2011 gave me, I know why I love you. It is because when everything else fails, you're there. I sob and cry and you wait for me to tell you whats wrong and without a word I know you are trying to dig through your mind what you can do to make me feel better. Honestly, nothing will make me feel better now but with the thought of you being there for me for almost 5years is enough to go on with our life. I learned to let go of pain and anger because of you. You proved me that everyone get pass every shit life throws em. I know I am not the only one who's going through rough times, I know you are too and I am telling you that I got you through thick and thin, you know that.

I know we won't be celebrating your birthday on the exact 11th but we will celebrate on the weekends and I wish it will be with our closest and dearest friends who went through hell with us and celebrated good times with us.

Hope I could spend your next 80 or 90 birthdays with you. I wish to make you happy everyday and I swear not to make you feel alone. I wished upon a star and the moon gave you to me. The sky could never be complete without you. I Love you too much until now and it's a little hard to believe but we are living proofs that love really is true, undying and forgiving.

I Love you today, tomorrow and for all time.

I'm counting the days til we're 27.:)