I'm styling a shoot for Playboy Philippines!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
i wondered how many jumped off from where i stand
So yeah, I've decided to spend the rest of my Saturday by myself. Mainly for the reason of not having to pull my friends out of their beds to go out and have lunch or watch a movie... And spending the day by myself wasn't a really bad idea after all.
Like old days, I sat beside the glass railings on the top floor of shang. Perfect weather, coffee and a book; like how I used to spend down days when I was on college. I had a very good view of whole mall, its about 6 or 7 floors. I started reading my freshly opened book and sipping my caramel cream every now and then. This day was perfect, but I can't shake off the feeling of feeling, well, alone. It wasn't a big deal, coz I want alone days, days that I get to think things over. I kept reading my book, but my mind was distracted and there we're too many words flying around my mind. I started staring at the bottom floor of the mall, and wondered if how many had jumped off from where i stand.
Before I go crazy, I stood up and walked away. Maybe I do realize the things people think of when they stood there. That it was the only way to end the misery, the pain and the uncertainty. It's as if there's a magnet down there that pulls you down and then *poof* you lay flat on the floor with the sky on your sight.
Like old days, I sat beside the glass railings on the top floor of shang. Perfect weather, coffee and a book; like how I used to spend down days when I was on college. I had a very good view of whole mall, its about 6 or 7 floors. I started reading my freshly opened book and sipping my caramel cream every now and then. This day was perfect, but I can't shake off the feeling of feeling, well, alone. It wasn't a big deal, coz I want alone days, days that I get to think things over. I kept reading my book, but my mind was distracted and there we're too many words flying around my mind. I started staring at the bottom floor of the mall, and wondered if how many had jumped off from where i stand.
Before I go crazy, I stood up and walked away. Maybe I do realize the things people think of when they stood there. That it was the only way to end the misery, the pain and the uncertainty. It's as if there's a magnet down there that pulls you down and then *poof* you lay flat on the floor with the sky on your sight.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I wanted someone to write about me like this
I've pictured him in my mind over and over. My memory is a bit hazy but I can still remember patches of my dream. Scruffy hair, plain shirt, khakis and some loafers. He writes and is a hopeless romantic. Maybe I have him in my mind this way because I wanted us to share the same sentiments. I wanted us to not feel anything but make stories about it, I wanted us to hurt and dwell together, I wanted to us to go all "Emo" together. Because the best thing in being sad? It's being sad with someone with you, with someone who can feel what you feel and not force you to stop right there and then, to not force you to be happy even when the world has turned its back on you. I wanted him to tell the world how every word I spoke gave him the energy to go on, how I passed by made him fall even more, how I hurt him but pushed him to go on and all the things only he can tell the world. I wanted someone to write about me like he never knew life outside life. I wanted him to write and make me fall and cry at the same time.
And these are some parts of Vince's Life that I loved. And I want someone who can write about me this way....
Vince: “I found myself enchanted by the way she bites her lip, and the way she touches you when she talks, small things like that. By the time we finished talking, it was evening already, and I still wanted to go on talking to her. That’s when I realized that this girl was something special, that she was like no one else I knew…That she was simply wonderful. She was smart and funny, and that turns me on more than anything about her. I like her because she’s a little kooky. I like her because she’s stubborn. I like her because she can be such a bitch. I like her because she laughs too loud.”
“Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. Maybe she would hurt me or maybe, we would hurt each other. And the beautiful reality of it scared me like no scary movie ever could.”
“As anyone in a relationship knows, you’re bound to get hurt sooner or later. The good news is you get over it.”
“People change all the time, that’s the problem. When people are together, they keep track of these changes, and adjust, make sacrifices or grow together. But sometimes people change in different directions, and the distance just grows.”
“Years from now, maybe we won’t even be talking to each other. Maybe, we’ll both have someone else. Maybe, we’ll be married, and I’ll look back at this unforgettable day and remember every detail of how she looked.”
“…Because everything would be different, we’ll say goodbye and return to our lives, without regret.”
"What's love? It's like Fireworks. You know how fireworks are always a surprise? It was like that. Everything was magical, and just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it aways did get better until I thought I would explode from joy. And then it was over."
From Vince's letter to Andrea: "How could you leave me when you promised you'd always love me? You were supposed to make the more difficult choice--that's what people in love do. You ripped my heart out with your li'l piece of news But hey, buddy, you always do that."
"We've both gone too far to go back. You've changed. And I've changed, too. I realize that now. I don't love you anymore. I know you don't love me anymore. I don't love you anymore, either. You stopped a long time ago."
"I guess it's all really for the best. Because now, I won't be holding on to the past, holding on to our yesterday, waiting for something that won't ever come back."
"Some people think loving is a waste when it doesn't work out because you can't take back what you've already given. But I don't think it's like that. You're a part of me."
"the thing is, life is nothing like the movies...Somewhere between the two of us, something broke and we couldn't fix it. We tried. we only ended up hurting each other more."
"She said that I had taught her how to dream."
"She was older. Her face had lost her youth. There was something harder in the line of her cheek, something more cynical in her eyes. We had both grown up, discovered how the business of living could ever be. Yet she remained positive, hopeful even, and always beautiful in more ways than I could ever comprehend."
"Because you're in outer space. you don't know how high you are. You have no clue where you're going. Because you can't see the tracks."
"Andrea and I will always be different. We attempted to understand each other. And we did, or sometimes, we do--and that's the beautiful part. But it's always a struggle."
"When it's right, love isn't difficult. It's the easiest thing in the world. All the differences and hardships don't matter, and there's only one answer to every question."
Vince: "I saw my life flash before my eyes as if it were someone else's. And I don't know how, but knew with complete certainty how Vince's life ended. It ended with Happily ever after."
All this I'm thinking just because of the books I had to backread, and just to make sure I can still feel.
And these are some parts of Vince's Life that I loved. And I want someone who can write about me this way....
Vince: “I found myself enchanted by the way she bites her lip, and the way she touches you when she talks, small things like that. By the time we finished talking, it was evening already, and I still wanted to go on talking to her. That’s when I realized that this girl was something special, that she was like no one else I knew…That she was simply wonderful. She was smart and funny, and that turns me on more than anything about her. I like her because she’s a little kooky. I like her because she’s stubborn. I like her because she can be such a bitch. I like her because she laughs too loud.”
“Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. Maybe she would hurt me or maybe, we would hurt each other. And the beautiful reality of it scared me like no scary movie ever could.”
“As anyone in a relationship knows, you’re bound to get hurt sooner or later. The good news is you get over it.”
“People change all the time, that’s the problem. When people are together, they keep track of these changes, and adjust, make sacrifices or grow together. But sometimes people change in different directions, and the distance just grows.”
“Years from now, maybe we won’t even be talking to each other. Maybe, we’ll both have someone else. Maybe, we’ll be married, and I’ll look back at this unforgettable day and remember every detail of how she looked.”
“…Because everything would be different, we’ll say goodbye and return to our lives, without regret.”
"What's love? It's like Fireworks. You know how fireworks are always a surprise? It was like that. Everything was magical, and just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it aways did get better until I thought I would explode from joy. And then it was over."
From Vince's letter to Andrea: "How could you leave me when you promised you'd always love me? You were supposed to make the more difficult choice--that's what people in love do. You ripped my heart out with your li'l piece of news But hey, buddy, you always do that."
"We've both gone too far to go back. You've changed. And I've changed, too. I realize that now. I don't love you anymore. I know you don't love me anymore. I don't love you anymore, either. You stopped a long time ago."
"I guess it's all really for the best. Because now, I won't be holding on to the past, holding on to our yesterday, waiting for something that won't ever come back."
"Some people think loving is a waste when it doesn't work out because you can't take back what you've already given. But I don't think it's like that. You're a part of me."
"the thing is, life is nothing like the movies...Somewhere between the two of us, something broke and we couldn't fix it. We tried. we only ended up hurting each other more."
"She said that I had taught her how to dream."
"She was older. Her face had lost her youth. There was something harder in the line of her cheek, something more cynical in her eyes. We had both grown up, discovered how the business of living could ever be. Yet she remained positive, hopeful even, and always beautiful in more ways than I could ever comprehend."
"Because you're in outer space. you don't know how high you are. You have no clue where you're going. Because you can't see the tracks."
"Andrea and I will always be different. We attempted to understand each other. And we did, or sometimes, we do--and that's the beautiful part. But it's always a struggle."
"When it's right, love isn't difficult. It's the easiest thing in the world. All the differences and hardships don't matter, and there's only one answer to every question."
Vince: "I saw my life flash before my eyes as if it were someone else's. And I don't know how, but knew with complete certainty how Vince's life ended. It ended with Happily ever after."
Thursday, July 5, 2012
end of the road
Everything needed to stop. It was an emotionally draining ride and I
kept giving til nothing was left of me. I can't believe how far I've
gone for this and the 5-year ride was the best and worst days of my
life, it was an up and down journey and I don't regret any of it. The
pain and the happiness kept me going all these years but suddenly I
caught a glimpse of myself and I didn't want the person I became, I gave
too much and got a little too less. I became so open to everything the
world has to give. I have forgotten how to love myself, to take care of
myself and to be myself. Honestly, I think I've lost myself along the
way and now I have to put the pieces together. I'm sorry to everyone who
believed in us, we tried very hard but every push and every try bruised
us and made it harder to go on. The questions and the doubts made me
think about all these, if it is still worth it, and I've been asking
myself for too long. Sorry but I'm raising the white flag.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
First Love
sorry if I've been posting songs, but err. here's another one. I should stop listening to Adele or I'll go crazy.
Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.
I need to get away to feel again.
Try to understand why, don't get so close to change my mind.
Please wipe that look out of your eyes, it's bribing me to doubt myself;
simply, it's tiring.
-First Love, Adele
it lingers
I can still feel your warmth
I can still smell your perfume
Maybe I can go on like this forever..
I can still smell your perfume
Maybe I can go on like this forever..
Monday, July 2, 2012
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