balancing act

pain pain go away
I wake up every morning, finding myself alone. I go downstairs with no one in sight, no one to say goodmorning to. The only living thing at home is me and my dog. Mom left, and she took my brother with her. It's painful, to me and my brother. He's two, he can't be in this much pain. I will do anything to make you feel our love, I will do anything for you not to be deprived of a family. You got a mom, dad and a sister, which under some circumstances, is a very difficult situation. One day, everything will be alright, every bit of pain will go away. I got you sweetie pie.

i can hold my own hand
We rode on that bus for more than an hour, It seemed like forever. He seemed like a stranger, I looked at him but he looked away. Thats when I realized I am the only one who can look after myself. From that time on, I started to hold my own hand. I joined my hands together into a tight clasp. Its the only hands I can hold forever.

Happy Birthday from a happy heart!:)

Coz it's your birthday I am allowed to make you feel giddy. It's actually 11 so its not just your birthday, it's also our monthsary which i'm starting to fail counting coz there are too many numbers and you know i'm bad at math.

For the past few years, i tried to gather my thought on why i love you. Often I find myself asking over and over again coz I can't still find an answer. I just love you. But after all the hell 2011 gave me, I know why I love you. It is because when everything else fails, you're there. I sob and cry and you wait for me to tell you whats wrong and without a word I know you are trying to dig through your mind what you can do to make me feel better. Honestly, nothing will make me feel better now but with the thought of you being there for me for almost 5years is enough to go on with our life. I learned to let go of pain and anger because of you. You proved me that everyone get pass every shit life throws em. I know I am not the only one who's going through rough times, I know you are too and I am telling you that I got you through thick and thin, you know that.

I know we won't be celebrating your birthday on the exact 11th but we will celebrate on the weekends and I wish it will be with our closest and dearest friends who went through hell with us and celebrated good times with us.

Hope I could spend your next 80 or 90 birthdays with you. I wish to make you happy everyday and I swear not to make you feel alone. I wished upon a star and the moon gave you to me. The sky could never be complete without you. I Love you too much until now and it's a little hard to believe but we are living proofs that love really is true, undying and forgiving.

I Love you today, tomorrow and for all time.

I'm counting the days til we're 27.:)

Gadgets Magazine October 2011 BTS

Let me take this post as an opportunity to say that our October 2011 cover girl is by far the best. She's authentically nice and beautiful. Sharing you all BTS photos of how much fun we had while shooting Bela.

I don't have too many photos coz I didn't have my camera that day, these photos are by Patrick Ilagan of Gadgets Magazine.

Gadgets Magazine October Issue with Bela Padilla

Model Bela Padilla
Photographer Erwin Barleta
Hair and Make-up by Gold Sergio-Magtoto of Make-up by Gold
Styling M.R. Gavin
Art Direction Benjamin Arnold and Michelle Callanta-Toledo

Cover dress by Jaz Cerezo
Clothes, Shoes and Accessories by Forever 21

Shot at Ninyo Fusion Cuisine

Special Thanks to:
Chef Nino Laus
Chollo LagdameoGadgets Magazine October Issue with Bela Padilla

Bela Padilla for Gadgets Magazine october

Gadgets Magazine October Issue with Bela Padilla

Model Bela Padilla
Photographer Erwin Barletta
Hair and Make-up by Gold Sergio-Magtoto of Make-up by Gold
Styling M.R. Gavin
Art Direction Benjamin Arnold and Michelle Callanta-Toledo

Cover dress by Jaz Cerezo
Clothes, Shoes and Accessories by Forever 21

Shot at Ninyo Fusion Cuisine

Special Thanks to:
Chef Nino Laus

Carla Laus

Chollo Lagdameo

Jaz Cerezo

too lovely for words: Bela Padilla

“Working with the staff of Gadgets Magazine is marvelous!! And I really use “IS” because I’m sure the next covergirls will feel the same too! I enjoyed each layout not only because the concept was great but because I saw some gadgets in each peg that I actually want to buy now. I usually have fun in pictorials and I love looking at the pictures being taken of me and I must say, this has been one of the fastest I’ve done! The entire idea of representing Gadgets this month is awesome.” ~ Bela Padilla

here's a little behind the scene from the shoot. You have to grab the October issue to see this fab doll!:)

I miss and love you very much but the lies had pushed me off the cliff, I am still hanging on trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and hoping that someday you'll change and come to your senses. I can never imagine how much you changed from the mom I used to know, that woman I come home to everyday of the 20 years of my existence, how one day I opened the door and seen no one, without any word. I found myself asking what we have done for you to take off and leave us with no warning. I always wanted to be like you, to be a woman of confidence, of passion and of heart. Now I only want to be like you because I wanted to find someone like dad who never failed to give us everything we wanted, like dad who never made us feel guilty of the decisions we make, like dad who loves us without any hesitation and without any condition. The love that dad gave you is the only thing I wanted to find. After all, you we're his one and only love and like all those sad sad stories, sometimes it could take a turn. Maybe we had deprived you of your happiness, I can still remember that time in high school when you told me that you we're not happy anymore but I told you to make it work. I was young, and that was the only thing I can say. Maybe it was my bad, I shouldn't have made you come back. After that day, everything was a lie. I had a fake family. Now you're gone, I can only wish you happiness and to find whatever that is you want to find. I am now 20, almost 21, the only thing I can do is to get on with my life and start patching the wounds of the past. I still have dad, and sometimes the best mom is dad. I can never be mad at you, for a moment or two I almost threw a punch but I could never keep a grudge. You will always be my mom and I will always love you. Things are just different now, I wouldn't call us a family but I will always remember how we once were. I appreciated the sorry you threw on yesterday along with a few tears but this is not just about you and your happiness anymore, It's about how many people you had to hurt for you to get your certain kind of happiness. You told me many times that I would never understand, but I do. I can see it perfectly clear, don't mind the explaining. If this makes you happy, then go for it. I Love you mom but you fucked up big time, I don't know how you are going to fix everything. This mess you made is over epic proportions. As for me, the only thing I want to do now is to take care of dad and protect him from more pain you are about to cause him. I love you mom, like crazy, but you have to get your act together.

I have some serious mom issues.

NBA lockout

NBA players went out of their way to look for teams to play for, well, as long as NBA is suspended. The thing is, there have been rumors that the players, team owners and NBA management is having difficulty agreeing on financial aspects and the such. So here I am, sharing where all this NBA superstars are and how much they're being paid. We all know that going here in the Philippines is an option to earn money, but it is not really enough, you know the peso-dollar exchange rate is not to be excited about.

Here are some players who went overseas

Click the photo to enlarge

Bummer, I was looking forward to the NBA season for MVP's team.

source: hoopshype