im sorry for my unPoetic ways

His brown eyes and jet black hair,
are nothing but a memory.
In the deepest depths of my mind,
there he lay.

Like midnight dreams that lingered,
He was a thought away.
Like a sail boat,
He drifted away.

On a broad daylight,
He was my coffee.
On a deep midnight,
He was my blanket.

I can go on and on,
On how much he meant to me.
But he is just a star,
In the middle of a sky.

We will not make it through,
Coz theres nothing to save.
We will not fly,
Coz theres no reason to get high.

Every memory will be worth keeping,
But every thought leaves my heart bleeding.
Every word is music to my ears,
But every strumm makes my eyes tear.

Your hands secures my way,
Your hug covers my fears,
Your kiss wakes my nightmares,
Your heart makes mine beat.

The gift of memory,
They make me thankful.
The gift of memory,
Made me learn.

Step one and two,
who am I to you?
No next step,
it's leaving me hanging.s

a lousy dream.

I feel like crying not because I feel defeated but because I didn't get enough chance to fight hard.

I wanted to believe the best in you but as I patch everything I'm starting to lose hope and belief in whatever we have or had.

Now it was just a sigh away, a lousy dream and even a mistake that I will never regret. Funny, its a mistake but I will never regret it.

My hands are trembling as I write this stupid blog, my eyes are tearing up: and there goes my thought that I was strong. But I have removed my shield and opened my heart.

I am not hiding anything, Is it my fault that I am trying to look for a right timing to tell you that I love you?

I am no superwoman nor darna.

I am a writer, its either i'm facing the computer or i have a pen and paper in my hands.
I am the mind in the tactics,
The head in the games,
The poet in a middle of a war,
The thought in problem.

I am no superwoman nor darna.
I'm just a writer.

moreover,

coz we were not supposed to be confused on things that we really want.

I took up Mass Communications because it is something I really want ever since. There were down times when I caught myself saying, "What have I gotten myself into?" Over and Over again I have told myself I am not a quitter, but my body is giving up. Tired of all the crap and all the people she has to face everyday.

erase me

I keep on running, keep on running
and nothing works
I can’t get away from you
no, I keep on ducking keep on thucking your nothing else
I can’t stop missing you

another pathetic scheme

It was another pathetic scheme that had put me in the middle of the crossroads.

Over and over again I have told you I am a cliff diver, which part didn't you get? Coz by saying I'm a cliff diver, I meant I rush things too much. Or when an idea or situation presented itself, I may fall for a stunt easily. (funny, you told me that you're the one who falls easily)

Lets not forget that there are things we have to think about, there are lots of things we have to sort out. We need to figure this things out first, before we rush to judgements and conclusions.

We are both cliff divers. The only difference is that you can literally jump off a cliff but I cannot.

Anyways, I have read your notes on FB. I didn't thought you we're quite a writer.

So this are the things I have read again, stop pulling yourself down. You are not that f***ed up, well believe me. My mess' are just hard to compete with.

So am I just another pathetic scheme for you to scream out you're fucked up life? Or am I the real thing you have been looking for a couple of years now?

Lets shake a hand on it..

Now can you please tell me where I stand? Coz regardless of what I know, I am not sure where I stand. I am on that edge of the cliff where you and I are supposed to free fall. But you took a step back, is it because you want to jump as high as the sky to reach the bottom-est part? Or you are having second thoughts?

Lets deal with this now..

You know my heart is breaking every second I try to suppress how I feel. So will we make it through? or is this just one of our pathetic schemes?

-wildskydreamer

this is magic.

and yes I completely agree that this is magic.

Sorry readers, if you have been reading about all this drama I have been going through. Regardless, thats what I am. One big ball of drama.

Anyway, thinking about all this drama made me realize that this is magic.

Well, still being here and surviving. Thats magic.

It took away lots of my attention. I can be visually impaired for not seeing all this awesome people around me.

Thank you mister for taking all my attention from all this awesomeness of the people around me.

But then again, at the end of the day. I know that many people cares and loves me.:)

as much as it hurts to admit...

It's absurd to fall for someone so far, someone you see once a week or even once in two weeks.

Its a little difficult for me to tell myself that sometime I will need to accept the fact that I have fallen for someone who cannot be mine or the chances of him being mine is as slim as my favorite ham.

When I see you, I will need to tell you what I feel and move on. I have learned to believe in us, to believe in what we feel. But then reality strikes us back, theres just too much to put on the line. So better give up now while its still easy. But it isn't easy for us. We both know that.

You asked me if I love you, I lied. I asked you back and all I got was a rounded answer. And when I asked you again, you told me I already know the answer. Yes I do know the answer. It sucks coz you can tell me that and i'm too cowardly to tell you how I feel.

I have learned to build this wall around me, because I cannot afford to lay my heart on the line again. It is the biggest investment yet. Well, convince me to tell you and I might free fall and answer your question.

On second thought, you don't need to ask me. I will tell you, in time.

Just give me one night to open my heart and another night for me to open yours. Then we will have to figure out whats next.

Lets have another all night conversation, just honest and from the heart.

And baby why do we have to complicate things, we both feel the same.

we're young and free, why ruin it?

we're young and free, why ruin it?

Feelings are overrated.

They mess up the truth and even everything that can be compared to it.

Every moment was gone in a flash.

I was having a late night chat with a high school friend, then i remembered how easy life was when I was younger. Life was just a day to day activity, I live and thats it. Nothing much to worry about.

we're young and free, why ruin it?

First step done, second step pending...

Well, it wasn't that easy for me to say how I feel, I know I am very vocal about everything I want to say but it seems so hard now. I don't know why or how this had happened. But it isn't that bad after all. At least I get to spend time with my heart and with my brain to think things over.

we're young and free, why ruin it?

So i'm planning to get a place nearer work, coz yes I am one of those lazy writers who complains about writers block but actually its just writers laziness. There, i said it out loud. I'm too lazy to travel from my place to the office. So was it a joke that you too wants to move in? and with me? I can't figure out whats a joke or not. can i not think about this chiz anymore?

we're young and free, why ruin it?

Complicated is just a state of mind, if you look into things you will realize this things isn't so complicated after all. Its just another easy way out. Its a choice to look at things complicatedly or to straighten things out.

or maybe you're just like me. A complicated mind, doesn't mind to fix up things.

we're young and free, why ruin it? LETS JUST FREE FALL.

im afraid im a cliff diver

This time I'm afraid i am a cliff diver. Over and over I thought this girl is brave enough to free fall. But then she realized she's falling in such a deep hole, it seems bottomless.

and seeing you makes me think twice

I'm sorry but I just need to post this, it seem appropriate.


well as complicated as this might sound, we still have a choice and somewhat a decision to make.


As Lovers Go by Dashboard Confessional

She said, "I've gotta be honest
You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here"
And I said, "You must be mistaken
Cause I'm not fooling, this feeling is real"
She said, "You gotta be crazy
What do you take me for, some kind of easy mark?"
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong"

All wrong
All wrong
But you got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours, my dear
And I'll belong to you
If you'll just let me through
This is easy, as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful, as loving goes
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting

And I said, "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life
For so long I thought I was asylum-bound
But just seeing you makes me think twice
And being with you here makes me sane
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side
You've got wits, you've got looks
You've got passion
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight"

Tonight
Tonight
But you've got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours, my dear
And I'll belong to you
If you'll just let me through
This is easy, as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful, as loving goes
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting

This is easy, as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful, as loving goes
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting

This is easy, as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful, as loving goes
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting

here we go.

I am sorry for backing out when I was about to tell you everything that I feel. I'm sorry for making you go all the way from your place to manila just to hear me say, "sorry but I changed my mind in telling you. I will just keep my mouth shut."

wait, i take it back. I am not sorry, I just have to think it over again. then I'll say sorry.

Maybe here I can say anything and even everything.

I don't know where to start.

here we go.


I'm sorry for barging into your life like this, I know I'm a spoiled bratt and I told you I get everything I want. And yes, I got you. But is was more complicated than I thought. I will not be holding your hand, I will not be having your lips next to mine, I will not be wrapped in your arms, I will not be next to you walking through this crazy days if I didn't want to. So ask me again, and I will answer honestly.

sorry for ignoring everything you said, but it wasn't necessary. I knew how you felt, that's why it got me scared. Coz the both of us are falling to somewhere we didn't plan to.

I will throw all my fears away and free fall with you to wherever.

I know it is not that easy now, but We'll figure it out.

Maybe this should happen.

Its just goodbye, its better than not saying anything at all.

It was another FAIL story

It wasnt until later that I asked myself, whats the point of all this?

A Few years back I asked myself that. And at this very moment I still couldnt answer.

So Whats the point of all this?

I'll sky rocket to where you are

try hard to explain

friends, for letting you down. It wasn't my intention, You guys know how hard I tried. But you guys know how I tried to fight, but there will always come a time when we just cant fight anymore. Not because we grew tired in fighting but because there is none to fight for.

There are some things that I have learned during everything that had happened, I am just learning how to make myself happy and make myself the priority this time. I may sound selfish but I had enough of making other people happy and leaving myself feel worthless and empty.

At this very moment, I am happy in where I am. Happy on who I became. Happy on everything. The pieces of my life is falling into place.

'The moment may only last a few seconds... but the memories of it will last a lifetime. ' Somehow I don't care if its only a moment. I'm back being a person who doesn't care about tomorrow or the next day, I just care about now. Because whatever happens today is the thing that will shape what happens.

Shit happens. Deal with it.

Yes they do, and every time I try to contemplate about how everything in my life became this way it makes me sad because I know I did everything I can and yet there are still many things that I should have done.

I miss you and sometimes I just want to sky rocket to where you are. Like before, I wanted to feel your hug and forget the world. It makes me feel everything will be okay, not in that very moment but someday. Now, every time I see you, it just breaks my heart. Breaks my heart, for limiting what I can do. For building walls around me. For letting everything fall apart.

On this part I will blame you.

I told you I will not fight for this anymore, yet you let everything fall apart. That will be the only thing I can blame you with. I got out of this mess with no less than myself and yet you looked at me and didn't say a word. You chose to walk away, and i did too. We took different paths.


Now I am gaining myself again.

Dont try to make me feel guilty of being happy, thats the best thing I can do for myself now. And all I can tell you is..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU&NR=1

"i want you to stay and not go away"

Recent.

For the first time, I will finally admit to myself how much I have fallen for someone who made me feel like i am the light of the universe. Maybe I am taking the easy way out, but maybe for once I can go to the easy choice. All my life, I have been used to the complicated ways of everything. This time I will let go and free fall on the hole thats in front of me. I may not be sure if I will be falling on the right track but its seems to be the only choice.

Lets hit the rewind...

Have you ever tried laying down beside someone who you really like? I did, a few many times. And in that few many times, many have tried to take advantage. I was sorry for myself coz this people are the ones I have learned to trust and be totally comfortable with. Then all things changed..

I lay there, forgetting who I am for the mean time. For the time I was there, the only thing i got was a real conversation with a real man. Telling me things that I didn't want to hear but things that I also need to know. It was an honest conversation. As silly as it may sound, we just talked the night away. He had held both of my hands from night til the morning.

"i want you to stay and not go away". I didn't know how i will respond to that.

And in the morning, I got a hug from behind (while I was in front of the mirror) and a kiss on the forehead. For a sucker for love, it was the most romantic thing.

I wanted to say that I am not the one who's going away. He is, and along with him is my heart that had crazy feelings for him in secret.